Kudos Brian, kudos.

This is Brian's eulogy? for Steven.

Growing up Steven Andrew Mortinson always dreamed of being elf. His one wish would have to be for the entire world to turn in to a gigantic forest area for him to go on elf adventures in.
He had a loving family and hating brothers. His brothers hated him o much that they threw him in front of oncoming traffic. Steven narrowly escaped everyone of his brothers foolish attempts to kill him. One day Steven’s older brother Jerry Lewis learned the ancient art of Ninjitsu and taught it to Steven. Steven was very grateful for his brother’s teachings and decided to take out his angry on Eric.
Eric was a very sophisticated banker type and wore suits regularly. He found that he could overpower Steven with his wits and muscle. Eric was altogether a jerk. Although he had his parents fooled in to believing he was the perfect son and that Steven was a demon spawn of Satan. That is why Steven lived in a cardboard shanty in the basement next to the washer dryer combo.
Steven’s ninja training had proved to be successful. Stevens rage was all built up and was focused on Eric.
While Eric was sitting in the living room conjuring up plans that could be used against Steven, Steven was lowering himself from the ceiling. With a knife in one hand and the rope supporting him in the other. Quickly Steven jabbed the knife in to Eric’s neck. Eric collapsed into the glass coffee table that was filled with poison so he was for sure to die.
Just them Steven’s mom Aunty Em walked in.
Oh my god what have you done exclaimed Aunty Em just look at my coffee table cant I have nice things.
Steven was in a nervous wreck. There was only one thing to do kill Aunty Em. I know it sounds dastardly but he had to do it so he threw his ninja star in to Aunty Em’s neck piercing the jugular. Blood began to shoot out. Steven ran outside and hide in some bushes the cops had showed up and it’s a good thing Steven was in his ninja uniform or else the cops would have definitely spotted him.
With Eric and Aunty Em dead how could Steven live with himself. There was no way he could go back to school. So Steven gathered what he had and started to stealth fully walk around town looking at telephone poles and bulletins looking for somewhere he could go to forget about his horrible life.
A vast! A wanted ad for the traveling circus. Steven was home free. All he had to do was join. Good thing Steven knew how to eat fire or else he would’ve had to be the bearded lady. And good thing cause Steven couldn’t grow a beard.
While in one of his acts a big business talent scout from big business America had been watching Steven. He had heard about his inability to grow a beard. While watching the show Steven had slipped up and caught his face on fire. But he had no hair on his face to keep the fire going so the fire quickly went out. Furthering the proof that Steven couldn’t grow hair on his face. The big business talent scout from big business America had found Steven’s dressing room and had been patiently waiting for Steven. Two and a half years later Steven showed up.

“It appears to me that you are un able to grow a beard.” Said the big business talent scout from big business America.
“Why yes sir that’s the truth.” Replied Steven
“Well the modeling company a know of is going for the naturally hairless look.”
“Wow really” said Steven “I’m hairless you could use me.”
“I know.” said the big business talent scout from big business America “And that’s why I want you for the new underwear ads.”
“Well I do have buns of steal.” replied Steven
“Oh yes you do.” said the big business talent scout from big business America
“Well when do I start?” asked Steven
“Right now!”
Just then modeling music came on and Steven stripped down to his boxers. Steven continued to live the fancy life as a model. Cruise ships, helicopters, midget wrestling, and cherry filled chocolates. Yes he was doing good for himself. He had almost forgot about his life back in Memphis. Where he killed Eric and Aunty Em. This thought always snuck up on Steven.
While during a shoot in Las Vegas Steven was feeling horrible. He felt like he had stuck a red hot cactus up his nose and dropped a ten pound bowling ball on his toe. He needed to unwind and spend lots of money.
He went to a sleazy casino and started to bet money. The waitress came by and gave him an entire bottle of vodka Steven drank that down within a matter of minutes. By now he was nice and liquored up. Now Steven felt like lady luck was on his side. He was up fifty dollars and down four hundred twenty two and fifty three cents. In a slurred state of mind he stumbled upon a homeless man.
This homeless man said hey buddy?! Do you know what the square root of 9 is?!
Steven replied “Of course I do.”
The homeless man then said “Well if your so sure then why don’t you bet your entire savings on it?!”
“Alright I will said Steven.”
“Well what is it asked the homeless man.”
“Its 3.333.”
“Oh no your wrong the square root of nine is 3.”
“You tricked me you tricked me!!!” screamed Steven
“Yar yar yar!!!” said the hobo
It turned out that Steven had lost all of his money to a pirate disguised as a homeless man.
“Blast you pirates blast you!!” Said Steven
Steven was woke up in the middle of an alley the next morning. His white tuxedo was dirt bag filthy stained with whatever was on the ground urine, fecis, and trash. But mostly urine.
When he got back to his modeling studio everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at him.
‘What what’s your problem I’m human I’m allowed to make mistakes.” said Steven
“Its not that.” they all said “Its that….well….your face…you have a five o’clock shadow!!!
Dum dum dum!!!
“Oh no oh no why god why did you make my face become hair full?!”
Steven sobbed like this for hours on end.
Later Steven was fired because his was no longer hairless. Now penniless and homeless Steven began to wander the streets of Las Vegas looking for work but no one wants to hire a washed up model who has hair on his face. Steven wandered into an alley way and looked back on his wasted life.
Just then a rich banker type man walked up to him. He had scars on his face and a knife sticking out of his neck.
“Do you know who I am?”
“No I don’t recall.”
“I’m your brother Eric does that refresh your memory.”
“No not really can you give me another hint.”
“I’m your brother that you thought you had killed but really I’m alive now.”
“Oh now I remember.”
“Well I’m back and I’m ready to seek vengeance.”
“Alright.”
Eric grabbed Steven’s lifeless body and put it in the back of his car. He drove onto the freeway reaching speeds of twelve thousand miles per hour. Eric scaled the side of his car reaching for the back of the trunk. But Eric slipped on the slime that came off of Steven’s tuxedo and fell onto the pavement smashing his skull into the ground. Eric was still a live though. And then his car ran over him squeezing his head in between the pavement and the tire. Now Eric was dead.
Steven had just awoken when he heard the slamming of Eric’s body being smooshed into mush. Steven could now escape the car had come to a complete stop and the trunk had been unlocked there was even Eric’s suits in his car and 4 million dollars. Steven had enough to re do his life and start over fresh. But the only thing was that Steven was gagged and tied up . His arms and legs were tied together and Eric had poked out Steven’s eyes previously. And now a semi truck was hurling its way towards Steven. The truck came to a scorching halt. The driver came out of his truck and started to untie Steven when a big bear came out of the woods and ate Steven’s leg and the driver. Now Steven was blind legless and gagged what worse could happen. Well a zombie virus had broken out and started to reign over the entire world now Steven laid helpless in the back of a car bleeding profusely from the leg and now zombies were coming they all started to eat Steven. To bad Steven was the only thing alive and not a zombie because nine million four thousand two hundred and fifty seven zombies were feasting on Steven’s warm flesh. Just as Steven was about to die a large zeppelin crashed into Steven and began to burn Steven alive. Now Steven had flesh eating zombies that were on fire eating him.
So Steven’s story now comes to an end. He lived luxuriously and homelessly. But no matter what he was always happy. Kudos Steven. Kudos.

It's times like this I question my pride in my humanity.

Most people would say that humans are the most intelligent lifeforms, these people have obviously never been to Wal Mart on the day after Thanksgiving. It all began at 4:00 in the morning when my mother dragged me out of bed to stand in line for a camera for our friend. Okay so I stand there for an half an hour, get a little crowded, but it turns out all right, I get one of the stupid cameras. I guess the guy let us get them a little bit early because I was walking to get to my mom out of the garden center because that was what everyone was talking about. I guess they had these lap tops for $348 or something obscenely cheap like that. Anyway I come around the corner and I hear screaming. My first reaction is wow these people are idiots, then I think oh crap my mom. Now, I knew she wouldn't be one of those people screaming but I could see her being easily trampled. So I start walking just a tad bit faster. I get in there and there is this huge mosh pit style crowd trying to get a hold of one of the 25 computers. Well at first I can't find my mom and that is scary, so I get in the mix. Then I see her and she is okay. Computerless but okay. So then I hear there is a lady underneath the crowd. I had this weird out of body experience where I found my self pulling people off this lady. One woman was saying she was helping her. What I saw was her putting her knee on her to bridge her way to the computer in her grasp. So I pulled her off. Everyone turned out all right for the most part. But I really did lose a little bit of respect for people. It's just stuff! At least when animals fight or whatever it's for survival, I have to say we put ourselves on the bottum of the list when we fight over stuff we don't neccessarily need. Ridiculous.


PS. Obviously I didn't work at Mervyn's this morning, they didn't get my test results back in time.

Also I don't know if any of you remember Rebecca from my freshman year. She did choir and had red hair and glasses? Well she is as rude as ever. She was one of those screaming bangees. Her grandma helped her with her little electric cart too(don't think I am heartless, I saw her get up and walk out of Wal Mart).

Burnin' Ring of Fire

Well, a few things, first obviously I saw Walk the Line. I loved it, I found out a few things about Johnny Cash that were quite interesting. For one, I had no clue he was a Bob Dylan fan? That was pretty sweet. I didn't know June Carter wrote Burning Ring of Fire, that too, interesting. Also on the way to the movies I realized that there was a letter from the University of Portland sitting on the back seat of my mothers car, I wonder if it would have ever gotten to me if I hadn't seen it there, anywho, it turns out it was a letter saying I won a $36,000 presidential scholarship, not too shabby. Well that is one year, ha. I also got my little packet of stickers and pamphlets for PETA, man those people are nuts. Anywho,36,000 down, about 138,000 more to go.

Call Me a Safe Bet, I'm Betting I'm not.

Sorry for the title, that song is sticking with me as of late. So it's nearing the holidays and I should be excited I guess but I'm not. For one, I just got a job at Mervyn's and I will be starting the day after Thanksgiving, yeah that will be completely nutty, I'm aware. I have to give my two weeks at Abby's tonight, and I'm fearing for my life. Lynn could totally take me. Man, this week has been filled with projects, and it has only been three days long, well two and a half. I need to start getting some decent sleep, but oh yeah, that isn't going to happend considering I am going to start at seven and get off at midnight next week. Well, it is more money, and I can transfer when I move to Portland, that would be good to have a job before I move. Oh yeah moving, ah. I shouldn't ramble when I'm tired. Oh yeah I totally saw Zach earlier, I wonder where that kid is, he is somewhere in this building. Sedi is going crazy a few computers down from me. Oh hum, will there be or won't there be a lime house excursion on Saturday? I wish I knew. So Trevor looked at boy models with me last period haha, what a great kid. I'm totally rambling, yay. Oh Kim is a big jerk, she was suppost to bring me the Good Apollo I'm Burning Star IV graphic novel to read, and well, she didn't. I'm jealous of her Motion City Soundtrack Tee shirt. I'm getting yelled out, peace.

♥ Seaside ♥

Seaside, as usual, was amazing. It was even sunny at the coast. Plus I got to hang out with awesome people. Both pluses. The thing is we all got like no sleep and I woke up to go to school this morning feeling like crap. Seaside in and of itself was so much fun though. Should I do pictures? Well some of them might be dangerous haha.

I'm in!

Yeah I got into The University of Portland, which leads me to the search for money. Maybe I should stop going to ashland during the weekends, it is costing me a lot. This weekend Courtneys is driving though so that is good hehe. But I am going to see Deathcab for Cutie yay. Anywho yeah, tut complained of my lack of update. Here it is.